Posts Tagged With: Australia
Its ten days until the official release of my book , Skimpy ; Outrageous true tales of crocs , snakes and pulling beers in the Topend through Hachette Australia and excited is one word to describe how I’m feeling at the moment. After 2 years of tweaking , and wondering if my efforts would ever see the light of day , the last few months have been a whirlwind. Which is probably why I forgot about this interview with the publicity team at Hachette I recorded back in May. It basically explains where I got the inspiration from ( this blog , thanks guys 😉 ) and what a Skimpy is and basically why they exist in the first place ( apart from many reasons men will always love beer and boobs – well most men.Obviously not gay men.Or arse men. Or men with foot fetishes .. but you get my point). There is a serious side to the Skimpy role in mining towns though. They provide much needed light entertainment at the end of a long shift, in an environment where most workers are thousands of km from their homes/ families/mates/etc. I’m not saying Skimpies fill the role of any of these things but they are a welcome distraction and sometimes even a bit of a connection to the outside world. I remember myself , stuck in Gove for a few months surrounded by flood water and feeling like I was in the most remote place on earth , even I looked forward to the girls flying in from the Gold Coast ! Especially since half of them would smuggle in 5 bags of Hungry Jacks from Cairns. You know your in the bush when a whole pub starts fighting over a 4 hour old Whopper ….
*UPDATE – The full interview with Hachette can be found here on their website .. the youtube clip below provides different content which is hopefully just as riveting !! hahaha :p
Aussie’s are tough buggers. We are more likely to get pissed with our mates when we have a problem than talk about it with a counselor or seek medical attention. Take this bloke I was reading about today as an example. He gets bitten by a brown snake , only one of the top ten most venomous snakes in the country ( and probably the world) and instead of causing a fuss , he dials himself an ambulance and then kicks back with a beer. Apparently the only problem he had was a bad reaction to the anti venom the hospital gave him. Maybe they should have just poured beer on the wound instead …
Anyway , for all the gory details check out this link
I had to share this link to the ABC Rural website , which has posted some amazing photos taken in Outback Australia in 2013. Some of these brought back memories of my time in Arnhem Land especially this one with the kids floating in an Ice Cream freezer …
I hope you guys enjoys these as much as I did ,
Cheers Kel Xx
Link and pics from http://www.abc.net.au
Despite the havoc the weather has caused across the state for the last month (first we had fires , then floods and storms, I was starting to think it was the Apocalypse for a moment there …) I managed to find a good news story about a horny Koala and his struggle to find love . Mr Koala was spotted perched on the edge of this jetty , trying to figure out how to get to Fenninghams Island where he could hear other male Koala’s fighting over females and obviously wanted a piece of the action. After a while he realized that his only option was to swim over , thought ‘fuck that’ and climbed back up his tree . Typical bloke 😉
Snakes On A Plane – Part 2 plus Skippy Might Look Cute And Cuddly – But He Can Fight Like A M*thaF*cka
* The python that got caught on the wing of a plane leaving Cairns – the poor bugger didn’t make it 😦
Last year I wrote a post about a plane at Darwin Airport being hijacked by a snake , who had decided to take a tour of the cockpit. Apparently this is not an uncommon thing. Twice this year Quantas have discovered these reptile intruders hanging around their planes . The first time was a flight from the North Queensland town of Cairns , which is very similar in climate and wildlife to Darwin , so finding a Python on the plane was not as shocking as the second incident. Because the second incident happened in Sydney. Only the biggest city in Australia. I mean , Cairns and Darwin are famous for this shit – it’s nothing to find crocodiles hanging out in swimming pools or in your lounge room. In Darwin River I even had to share my shower with tree frogs , cane toads were a were always hiding under my shoes and don’t get me started on the bloody snake in the kitchen !
But this is Sydney people. What the hell was a snake doing hanging around Sydney airport ??? Anyway , whatever it was doing there it managed to get the flight cancelled and Quantas had to pay for 370 passengers to stay in motels then reschedule the flight all over a tiny snake that was about 20cm long (come to think of it , my kitchen snake was around the same size , but that thing was psychotic).
Next up , for all of those people out there who go ‘Aw , a kangaroo , look how cute and cuddly he is !” Please read this article . The short story is these people live on a property near Grafton , NSW and their foster son was attacked in a matter of 2 minutes by a pissed-off kangaroo. The kid was lucky to survive because the roo would have been as big , if not bigger than him and the claws on those things could pretty much tear your guts out. Her husband had been attacked in the past , but standing over 6 ft tall , he was able to throw a few punches back and got away.
So you can add Kangaroo’s to the list of things that want to kill the shit out of you in good old Australia !
Here’s a funny clip that kinda shows you what the giant bunnies are actually capable of – and this guy was being nice !
Pic – smh.com.au
- Snake grounds jet with 370 passengers in Sydney (bostonherald.com)
There are so many things I have to write about at the moment. As the end of ‘wet season’ comes to an end ( what a joke , I think it rained 5 times ?! ) the crocs up here in the topend are moving around more and can be found just about anywhere you turn. So there have been ‘ croc attacks’ ( one guy got bitten on the head apparently , but still survived to tell the NT news all about it another guy appeared on the front page last week after he was ‘attacked’ by a croc which was all of 1 meter long .. ) and heaps of croc sightings . But I have been too busy dealing with my own life threatening situations to think up witty blog posts to go with the above news stories.
It all started with this:
Now we don’t normally go around shooting snakes , but this bugger was headed for Chaos’s bed and the outside loo so he had to go . Luckily for us Maisy is more switched on than Chaos and went banana’s when she saw the snake. Chaos just kept snorin’ away in ignorant bliss …..
Unfortunately Maisy wasn’t so bright a few nights later when what I thought was a bikini string came to life on my kitchen floor
I had just put Marli down and walked into the kitchen on my way to the toilet. I noticed a shiny looking string on the tiles and thought it had come out of a dress or bikini top. But something made me stop when I went to pick it up. So I stood on the other side of the kitchen and threw random crap from the kitchen bench at it until it jumped and started slithering towards me with its head raised looking a tad bit pissed off ….. This is the point when I realized just because I live in the bush doesn’t mean I am any good at dealing with situations that involve venomous animals. So I ran outside in my knickers and called Dave who was never going to be able to help because he was on the other side of the country at a wedding. So I yelled at him for 5 minutes , hung up , called a girlfriend who had just finished a massive Sunday session and could not legally drive anywhere. Out of options I called the pub up the road and luckily for me the barmaid felt sorry for me and sent her boyfriend over to get rid of the snake ( which turned out to be called a Bandy Bandy ).
The boyfriend tried to remove the snake without killing it but by this stage it was well and truly pissed off and ended up getting decapitated.
Not even two weeks later my mother flew up to help out with Marli and after a shopping trip we were walking across the lawn when I noticed the stick I was about to step on had eyes …. My Mum was so brave , she grabbed a crow bar and smacked it over the back but we’re not sure if she killed it or not because it freaked out and headed for the garden bed … I haven’t seen it since …..
I have been out of the ‘bush’ for 6 weeks now .. and still hate the traffic !! I arrived in Melbourne over a week ago to start the Christmas celebrations with my family(s) . Over a week and a half we celebrate with 3 Christmas dinners – I’m going to look like a stuffed Turkey by New Years Eve !! As I haven’t been in the Territory for 6 weeks I haven’t had much to report on Kels Gone Bush but I can tell you if you are trying to get in or out of East Arnhem Land this week you will have to take a boat with you just in case !! Yep it is officially wet season and the rains are a comin !! Dave was supposed to hit Darwin last night after leaving Gove NT yesterday in our land cruiser ute with his tinny on the back. I received a frantic call from one of his mates this morning , who told me that Dave had called him at 1am from the satellite phone and before he could figure out what Dave was saying the phone died. Awesome news when you are in Melbourne and can do absolutely nothing about the situation ! After calling the bush police and sending a few Facebook messages to locals in Gove we finally heard from him at 2pm as he was arriving in Katherine NT. He thought we were both bloody idiots for worrying but even though he is one of the most capable males I have met , he is still human and those river crossings are not the safest in Australia – if only because of the flash flooding and oodles of crocodiles !! Any-hoo he made it out alive which is all I care about at this point.
* Taken on the central Arnhem Hwy last year for the NT News http://www.ntnews.com.au
I will be flying back to the Territory on Boxing day and cant wait to bring you all another year of crazy sh*t from the outback 😉 I have big plans for Kels Gone Bush next year and am hoping that the baby motivates me more than stops me from carrying them out. Until then I wish you all a VERY Merry Christmas , and a safe one … Bring on 2013 it is going to be even bigger and better !!!! Love to everyone Xx Kel